Brainwaves
by byrdiesinging
Summary: She was a freshman when he was a senior. He,and his rather rigid personality, was the object of her undying love. KanLena. Rated for language.
1. Chapter 1

Hello everyone! I'm doing a short little thing for the sake of updating! Please enjoy!

Warnings: KandaxLenalee

He was a senior in high school when she was a freshman. He, and his rather rigid personality, was the object of her undying love. He didn't notice her though, she didn't know him personally. They weren't friends. They weren't even acquaintances. She saw him in the hallway between classes at times and during lunch periods. She didn't even know his name for the longest time. Every now and then, fate would give her the opportunity to walk next to him down the hallways or up the stairs. Through her hair she could sneak inconspicuous glances at his face and wish that they were talking to each other, or being friends with each other, or just knowing each others names. Their relationship was like this for the most part, he blissfully unaware of her and she stupidly in love with him.

Until she heard rumors, rumors that he was dating someone. This certain someone also happened to be in her English class. She asked this person about these rumors and he laughed them off like a big joke. "Of course not, Kanda's not gay," was his reply. She was so relieved. His name was Lavi, he was friendly and they were in English class together. Kanda was his best friend. Lenalee wanted to be his best friend, what better way than to get to know the people around him? Slowly as the year progressed and she and Lavi's friendship grew, she grew to know Kanda more as well. Kanda gave the two of them rides at times and was surprisingly friendly despite his cold exterior.

"This is a sponge I have for my biology project." Lenalee showed it to the two of them as they walked to Kanda's car. "It's on sponges and creatures of the like."

"You should name it Spongebob!"

"And give it pants?"

Kanda stared at the two of them before pitching in a line. "Don't give it a face though; you don't want it to have a personality."

She looked at him. "Of course not." was all she could think of as a reply. When she talked to him, she pondered every word. Everything she said to him had been thought over millions and millions of times, but he didn't know that.

Every time she saw him in the hallway, she wanted to badly to say hi to him, but only if he did so first.

He never did.

She knew it wasn't because he didn't like her. He was just shy.

But so was she.

=x=

"I like him so much it's disgusting." She said to Lavi one day.

"Lenalee," Lavi said in quite a serious tone. "When Kanda likes someone, he really really likes them."

"So?"

"He likes someone."

"Who?"

"This girl named Lulu Bell."

Lenalee's face fell a thousand feet into the ground. "Really?"

"Yeah."

"Oh."

He didn't offer anymore comfort that just that.

Lulu Bell ended up dating another guy. The other guy just so happened to be Lavi.

"Lavi you son of a bitch! You knew about my feelings for her! Fuck you man, you knew! How could you fucking do this to me?" One could hear Kanda's angry screams all throughout the entire street. The empty airs made every angry syllable echo and vibrate.

"Geez, what can I say? Maybe she doesn't like you! Maybe she likes me better, what the _hell's _your problem? You weren't dating her or anything!"

Kanda stood there, his weight shifted to his left leg, his right foot tapping vigorously on the ground. His hand gripped the side of his face, the other propped on his hip. "I can't believe you, you out of all people. I should have known."

Lenalee could only watch sadly from in Kanda's car. How could he feel so strongly for this girl? Why didn't he see her at all? She snapped out of her misery when Kanda stepped back into the car and slammed the door.

"Lavi's a douchebag."

"Yeah." Lenalee watched as Kanda expertly rolled a joint and lit it, sucking all the malicious fumes. He released the smoke angrily. She watched as he tapped his fingers angrily on the steering wheel. "Lavi's such a douchebag. I mean, I told him about how, you know?" Lenalee nodded. "Yeah, that was a pretty dirty thing for him to do." Kanda grumbled and pulled up to Lenalee's house. "See you around." She waved at him and he stared straight ahead.

Lenalee went home and cried. She cried because she couldn't be that person that made him angry when someone else dated her. She cried because she knew she'd never have a chance with him. She cried because he doesn't say hi to her in the halls at school.

She cried for him.

=x=

Graduation came too soon. She didn't even find him to say congratulations. She later learned that he went to have lunch straight afterwards. He went to eat with his friends. She hadn't expected to be invited. She wasn't his friend; she was only that creepy little girl with a crazy obsession with him. She later learned that he was going to the state university.

That became her dream.

To go there.

So they could see each other once again.

=x=

She went there.

Everything she had ever done since they met was for him. Every test she took to get a good grade, every class she took to get a nicer looking resume, it was all for him.

He didn't understand. He already had another girlfriend. He, after all these years, looked no different than he did when she first saw him. His hair long and sleek, his frame skinny, everything was still the same.

She wanted to tell him everything.

Upon seeing the new girlfriend, she just couldn't bring herself to do it. The only thing she could muster her courage to say was, "I thought of you all the time when you weren't here anymore. I thought of you so much. Did none of those brainwaves reach you?"


	2. Chapter 2

Summer before junior year. It had been almost two years already. Two fucking years since she'd last seen him. Sure there was facebook and all that shit. But it's not the same. Her dream hasn't changed. Her eyes are still set for state college. Summer had basically gone by in a flash and she was about to start school again. The entire summer had been devoted to studying for the SAT and practicing for all state orchestra. Everything was for the goal. The final destination. She spoke to Lavi regularly over the summer. He was visiting China this summer with his mentor so their conversations were strictly via phone. Lenalee wasn't really into chatting or texting.

"Lenalee, you really should just forget about it. I mean, honestly, move on. It's not even like you two were that close."

Ouch. "Thanks Lavi, thanks so fucking much for understanding." Lenalee flipped through the yearbook from two years ago. The picture was black and white, black and white was enough. "So fucking perfect." She whispered.

"What did you say? Anyway, I'm going to see him when I get back this weekend. We're probably just going to chill, whatever."

Lenalee didn't ask whether she could come or not. Lavi hadn't invited her, he never does. "You two cleared up the Lulu Bell thing?"

"Oh yeah, ages ago! Two years strong, baby."

Lenalee slammed the book closed. "Yeah? I'm pretty surprised. That's a new record for a manwhore like you. Anyway, I gotta go, I have stuff to do tomorrow." Lie.

"Oh sure, yeah, do you mind going up to the school like tomorrow or something for me? I'm still in China here with the panda. I'm not going to be getting back until like, the day before school starts. Do you mind picking up my books and my schedule?"

Lenalee hesitated before answering. "Sure, yeah, I can do that. No problem."

"Thanks so much Lenalee, see you."

"Bye."

Lenalee put her cell down on the table. _One more year_, she thought to herself, _one more year and then I can see you again. I won't need to ask Lavi to let me come over. I'll just see you because I can. I'll do it all on my own. _She'd also been growing her hair out these past few weeks, just for him, just for Kanda. She remembered that he liked girls with long hair. She wanted to be perfect just for him when the time comes.

She was startled by something suddenly hitting her window. She looked outside, standing there was a boy with a head of snow white hair. "Allen! What are you doing out here this late?"

Allen shrugged. "I wanted to see you, psyche. No I brought what you bought, send it down." Lenalee rolled her eyes at Allen and lowered the emergency ladder she had hanging on her window. It was originally intended for emergencies like fires and such. The ladder has now been put into good use as a 'secret' entrance into the house. Her overprotective paranoid brother did purchase some items of use.

"What do you want? It's late." Lenalee crossed her arms as Allen clambered through the window.

"Listen, Lenalee, so I have the stuff that you wanted. Is this all for you?" He produced a baggie from the bag he was carrying. "Here eight ounces of mary jane, here's the two tabs of acid." He fished in his pocket. "Here are the shrooms, you can eat them, yes. But careful they're pretty potent."

"That took you a while. And I guess you could say that. I'm going to have a little end of summer thing with a bunch of people I know. You should come if you want."

Allen sighed. "Lenalee, I know about Kanda and all, you don't have to do all this for him. I'm sure he likes you just fine the way you already are."

Lenalee froze. "What?"

"I know you've been doing a lot lately. I heard from Lavi about the whole Kanda thing."

"Don't be stupid, that was years ago." Lies.

"Okay, well I think you were pretty awesome before. I mean, you're even more awesome now. But you were also cool before. Uhm. Kanda's a douchebag, he doesn't know what he's got even when it's gone you know?"

"Yeah, yeah thanks. Sure I know." What did Allen know about Kanda. Allen didn't know shit about Kanda. She knew Kanda better than anyone and Kanda was no douchebag.

Allen had worry in his eyes. "I just...be careful okay? Don't get too wasted."

"You can never get too wasted."

Allen eyed the SAT prep book on her desk. "You've been studying?"

"I kinda have to, you should be too."

Allen scoffed. "Nah, I don't waste my time with that sort of stuff. Anyway, cool it with the shit, you don't want to fuck yourself up that bad."  
>"I said it wasn't all for me." Lenalee lowered the ladder down the side of her house.<p>

"I could never know for sure. If you need anything, give me a call."  
>"I always will."<p>

Once Allen was safely gone, car out of sight and all, Lenalee rolled one up and took a hit. It was nice to get a little high at night. Komui was out that night, he had some scientist convention he had to go to so she didn't have to worry about him walking in on her, not that he ever did. Smoking marijuana reminded her of Kanda. Everything about Kanda was so...relaxing. The music he listened to, the way he was in general. She remembered that one time freshman year when he was giving her a ride and she was hesitant to put her instrument in his trunk because he had paintings there. Kanda said, "It's cool, just put it on top, those are old anyway."

His mannerism, his voice, it's all ingrained into her brain. Everything he ever said to her, no matter how trivial.  
>She remembered.<p>

-x-

Now, the reader may be wondering, why did Lenalee buy all those drugs to begin with? Because Kanda described these things as so magically wonderful. She wanted to experience everything like he did. She wanted to know what it was like too.

Lenalee had smoked marijuana before, easy peasy. But some of this stuff, the acid, the shrooms, they were new to her.

She wanted to become inspired too.

She just had to wait for the right moment.

-x-

School bell ring.

Going back to school is always a real pain. You're obligated to greet people that you honestly don't give a damn about. Say hi to people you haven't seen in three or so months and get back into the school mentality.

Time to get A's and get going on the dream for Lenalee. The psychedelic drugs in her bedroom were in the back of her mind. _What if Komui found them? He'd be so disappointed. Damn why did I buy them in the first place? Okay don't lose sight of the dream. Be someone he'd like to say hi to. Someone that he'd think was 'cool'. Since when did all these things matter to me?_ Lenalee fought in her brain. _But it'll be worth it when I can tell him about my experiences too. Will he think I'm just trying to impress him? Am I just trying to impress him? No, I'm doing this for me. But a little for him too..._

"Lenalee," Lavi placed a hand on her shoulder. "Earth to Lenalee."

She snapped out of it. "Oh hey, you got your books okay?"

"Yeah, thanks so much brah. Dude Sunday was ah-mazing. We were literally tripping balls. It was awesome." Lavi waved his arms all over the place.

"Oh, you saw Kanda? That's cool, I guess."

"Yeah, I think he's gotten taller. He cut his hair though."

"Really?"

"Yeah," Lavi put his hand to about his shoulder, gesturing how long Kanda's hair was now. "Shorter than yours at least. He was telling about this chick he met in Manhattan."

"Oh, really?" Lenalee's voice turned flat.

"I'm just messing with you. Anyway, gotta go to class, are we still game for shakes after school?"

"Yeah, totally." Lenalee waved at Lavi as he sauntered happily away. She sighed.

Kanda, I want to see you too. Maybe another time. Maybe another time.


End file.
